I have been married for almost year and my wife just revealed to me a couple of days ago that she has herpes.?!
Question: I have been married for almost year and my wife just revealed to me a couple of days ago that she has herpes..?
My wife just told me that an ex boyfriend had given her herpes and that she wasn't planning on ever telling me because she could never give it to me, since it was such a mild case and she has never had an out break. She has also had some doctors tell her she had it and some say she didn't. I don't know what to do about the situation or what my risks are.Health Question & Answer
Answers:
Please understand how difficult both of these things are for a woman to disclose before you make a decision. She obvioulsy loves you and the guilt she was feeling made her come clean. Personally I think the abortion is none of anyones business including yours. The std needed to be told to you before having sex, but that is over and done with. If she has never had symptoms or a positive blood test she may not even have it. If she has never had symptoms & a positive blood test she will likely never have symptoms and is just a "carrier." It is still possible to spread without outbreaks but the use of meds combined with the lack of sores makes it very unlikely. It is really nothing to worry about. If you wish to have children they will not be affected. Most women with herpes deliver vaginally with perfect babies. If an outbreak occurrs before labor a c-section is performed. Truth is the ignorance and lack of education surrounding herpes, the stigma associated with it, and the overall horrible and judgmental way those with std's are treated is why your wife felt the need to keep this a secret. At least she is being honest now. Please give her a chance. Good luck and remember
herpes is at the most a minor inconvenience & not worth losing your loved one over!!Health Question & Answer
herpes is at the most a minor inconvenience & not worth losing your loved one over!!Health Question & Answer
There are a couple of things going on in your question.
First, is a question about some facts about herpes, its transmission, and the risks. I've put a link below to a very reliable, and easy to read, site about herpes. It should be able to answer your questions. Many doctors seem to spout misinformation about herpes. It can indeed be spread between outbreaks, but it is less likely. And the fact that she never has outbreaks makes the chances of transmission even less. There are numerous factors (length of time since initial infection, HSV1 versus HVS2, etc) that can influence your chances of catching her herpes.
The bigger issue, which you've already identified, is about her truthfulness. Only you can decide what to do about that. If you can overcome this lack of trust by yourselves, great. You might want to see a counsellor, either together or by yourself, to figure out what's going on. Or you may choose to leave. We can't answer that one for you.
I agree that trust seems to be quite an issue with her. I think that you are right to be concerned.
Good luck.Health Question & Answer
First, is a question about some facts about herpes, its transmission, and the risks. I've put a link below to a very reliable, and easy to read, site about herpes. It should be able to answer your questions. Many doctors seem to spout misinformation about herpes. It can indeed be spread between outbreaks, but it is less likely. And the fact that she never has outbreaks makes the chances of transmission even less. There are numerous factors (length of time since initial infection, HSV1 versus HVS2, etc) that can influence your chances of catching her herpes.
The bigger issue, which you've already identified, is about her truthfulness. Only you can decide what to do about that. If you can overcome this lack of trust by yourselves, great. You might want to see a counsellor, either together or by yourself, to figure out what's going on. Or you may choose to leave. We can't answer that one for you.
I agree that trust seems to be quite an issue with her. I think that you are right to be concerned.
Good luck.Health Question & Answer
I suggest going to the Dr together for a HSV (herpes) BLOOD TEST - it's the only conclusive test available.
I had herpes (and knew it) for over 2 years before I got a positive test - because the Drs were uneducated and didn't know that their other tests can give a false negative (cultures etc)
There is alot of unimformed Drs who haven't dealt with herpes very much - and they don't know either
Since she's had mixed signals from Drs I can understand her frustration & even her not being sure WHAT SHE HAS... and not being sure what to tell you!
I consider it a recurring zit on my privates - not very comfortable when it's there....not something everybody wants to talk about....and it's something alot of people keep to themselves because of all the wrong information out there....
so realize - it's not a major issue! It's a recurring zit -that is contagious. Still try not to catch it - just because it's an annoyance...but if you do - you'll find it's not a big dealHealth Question & Answer
I had herpes (and knew it) for over 2 years before I got a positive test - because the Drs were uneducated and didn't know that their other tests can give a false negative (cultures etc)
There is alot of unimformed Drs who haven't dealt with herpes very much - and they don't know either
Since she's had mixed signals from Drs I can understand her frustration & even her not being sure WHAT SHE HAS... and not being sure what to tell you!
I consider it a recurring zit on my privates - not very comfortable when it's there....not something everybody wants to talk about....and it's something alot of people keep to themselves because of all the wrong information out there....
so realize - it's not a major issue! It's a recurring zit -that is contagious. Still try not to catch it - just because it's an annoyance...but if you do - you'll find it's not a big dealHealth Question & Answer
Even if she doesn't have an outbreak, she can still pass it to you. That's a disease that you can't ever get rid of, so I'd go get tested if I were you. This can also be grounds for your marriage to be nullified, because of fraud. That way, if won't be on record that you had a divorce, it that bothers you. I'm sure that I would be thinking about leaving my husband if he didn't tell me he had herpes. I might have given him a chance if he would have told me, but because he "lied" to me, I wouldn't stay in the marriage. I would think, what else hasn't he told me.? what else is he lying to me about.? That's what I think personally.Health Question & Answer
You have two issues.
First, there is no such thing as a "mild case" of herpes. Sometimes the disease doesn't flare up, but you've STILL got it, and you can be contagious.
The trust issue is quite another thing, and you both need to seek marital counseling -- togeth and separately -- before these problems tear your marriage apart.
Health Question & Answer
First, there is no such thing as a "mild case" of herpes. Sometimes the disease doesn't flare up, but you've STILL got it, and you can be contagious.
The trust issue is quite another thing, and you both need to seek marital counseling -- togeth and separately -- before these problems tear your marriage apart.
Health Question & Answer
Read up on it. It's not a major health risk for adult males, just a nuisance. It can be a health risk for women of child bearing age. Get a test to see if you have it, and if you don't, have her get a prescription for Valtrex to reduce the chances of you catching it. also, avoid sex when she has a visible outbreak. Condoms can also help, but that may not be a practical solution for you if you plan to have a familyHealth Question & Answer
You either have herpes or you do not have herpes, there is no in between. It is still possible to pass herpes even without an outbreak. Go get tested. Sounds like your biggest issue is that your wife kept very important info from you, that can effect your health and well being. Health Question & Answer
Wow, your wife needs education about herpes it can be spread without any outbreaksHealth Question & Answer
you should go get tested and make sure that she's taking her medicine and being responsible about it.Health Question & Answer
See a urologist.Health Question & Answer
You should go and get tested anyway just in case. It' better to know then to be left wondering and stressing about it!Health Question & Answer
Go get tested....as far as the trust issues and what not - you're going to have to do some soul searching and answer those questions for yourself. She could've just completely been misinformed. I was.
It could also be a bad judgement call on her part. Maybe she was scared of you judging her. It's not the right answer, but some times it makes us do stupid things.
I'm not sticking up for her - because if she was correctly educated on this disease she would've known she should've told you...but many many people are NOT educated correctly. That is why one in four people has herpes.Health Question & Answer
It could also be a bad judgement call on her part. Maybe she was scared of you judging her. It's not the right answer, but some times it makes us do stupid things.
I'm not sticking up for her - because if she was correctly educated on this disease she would've known she should've told you...but many many people are NOT educated correctly. That is why one in four people has herpes.Health Question & Answer