Coping tips for me and my alcoholic boyfriend?!
Question: Coping tips for me and my alcoholic boyfriend.?
I love my boyfriend more than anything in the world and have no desire to leave him. We have a very special relationship and a very strong bond. However he is an alcoholic.
Every now and then when things get tough, he gets drunk and throws away three days (or so) out of his week in oblivion, not caring, not managing. When he is sober again he is hugely disappointed in himself and mortified that he has jeopardised our relationship again but this feeling doesn't seem to deter him the next time.
He just received his final exam results for a BA he is studying and unfortunately it looks as though he has failed. In response, he is now drunk. I understand his pain so I feel selfish getting angry with him. Not to mention that there is no point when he is drunk, it never fixes or helps anything.
I told him he chose to drink so I am choosing to not speak to him today. I can't stop thinking about him though. I shift from worrying if he is OK to being angry with him for doing it again.
I want to support him but I don't want to enable him and the last thing I want to do is leave him. Has anyone been in this situation and found some useful coping techniques without having to threaten to leave or worse, go through with it.?
Thanks in advance, I appreciate your input.Health Question & Answer
Every now and then when things get tough, he gets drunk and throws away three days (or so) out of his week in oblivion, not caring, not managing. When he is sober again he is hugely disappointed in himself and mortified that he has jeopardised our relationship again but this feeling doesn't seem to deter him the next time.
He just received his final exam results for a BA he is studying and unfortunately it looks as though he has failed. In response, he is now drunk. I understand his pain so I feel selfish getting angry with him. Not to mention that there is no point when he is drunk, it never fixes or helps anything.
I told him he chose to drink so I am choosing to not speak to him today. I can't stop thinking about him though. I shift from worrying if he is OK to being angry with him for doing it again.
I want to support him but I don't want to enable him and the last thing I want to do is leave him. Has anyone been in this situation and found some useful coping techniques without having to threaten to leave or worse, go through with it.?
Thanks in advance, I appreciate your input.Health Question & Answer
Answers:
It's a balancing act. You don't want to appear insensitive at the same time you don't want to appear to be weak. You love the man he could be..You see all the wonderful things he could be if he didn't have to turn to the bottle to cope with his life. At the same time you are secretly afraid that if he didn't drink he wouldn't need you. He would see that he could do better and he wouldn't need to drink and he could see that he could do better.
That is the typical reason we stay with these men. We want to help them..we want them to be all they can be. But we are so unsure of our own self worth we put our feelings in a closet because they aren't important..because we aren't important.
I guess the best advice I can give you is to evaluate your relationship..did anything I just mention hit home ..honestly.? If not..good for you! If it does..you need to evaluate your relationship and make sure it is a healthy relationship..if it is not..you need to end it.
I'm sorry. I know how hard it is. But it took me many many years to realize that I was incredible and I didn't deserve the treatment I was getting from the "loves" in my life that their self destructiveness was just assurance of my lack of self worth.Health Question & Answer
That is the typical reason we stay with these men. We want to help them..we want them to be all they can be. But we are so unsure of our own self worth we put our feelings in a closet because they aren't important..because we aren't important.
I guess the best advice I can give you is to evaluate your relationship..did anything I just mention hit home ..honestly.? If not..good for you! If it does..you need to evaluate your relationship and make sure it is a healthy relationship..if it is not..you need to end it.
I'm sorry. I know how hard it is. But it took me many many years to realize that I was incredible and I didn't deserve the treatment I was getting from the "loves" in my life that their self destructiveness was just assurance of my lack of self worth.Health Question & Answer
Don't baby him about it. Yes, he is having a hard time....but staying drunk for days at a time won't help.
Tell him you think he has a problem...and you won't enable him.Health Question & Answer
Tell him you think he has a problem...and you won't enable him.Health Question & Answer
If you love him like you think you do then get him into AA thats the best thing anyone can do if you care enough.Health Question & Answer
This is hard, but it's clearly hurting you - tell him straight up that he has a problem. You love him, but at the end of the day, it's up to him to make the change. Support him getting sober, and go with him to AA meetings as often as possible.
As well, he clearly uses drinking as a way to escape. Try to offer him alternative escape techniques - video games being a popular one, with painting and music ranking high too.
Give him other outlets, and he might not need to drink. But also tell him honestly and straight forward (When he's sober, of course) that if he loves you, he'll stop. Addiction is genetic and in the brain makeup, so it's going to be a struggle, but if your both dedicated it can work.Health Question & Answer
As well, he clearly uses drinking as a way to escape. Try to offer him alternative escape techniques - video games being a popular one, with painting and music ranking high too.
Give him other outlets, and he might not need to drink. But also tell him honestly and straight forward (When he's sober, of course) that if he loves you, he'll stop. Addiction is genetic and in the brain makeup, so it's going to be a struggle, but if your both dedicated it can work.Health Question & Answer