Have i ruined everything i ever had?!
Question: Have i ruined everything i ever had.?
I am 25 and my husband is 28, we have been married for 4 years. I am crazy about him in every way as is he. About 2 months ago i made the biggest mistake of my life, i had a one night stand.I have been under a lot of stress lately as my dad is being released from jail & wants to be part of my life(he is very dangerous) i don't want anything to do with him and i lost a baby in September. I told my husband about it myself & he let rip at me which is understandable he also hit me across the face in a act of rage(his only time to do it) but said he never wants to lose me. I have been regretting it & kicking myself over it & am doing everything to win his trust back. He can bearly touch me anymore & wont hold my hand let alone have a proper conversation with me if is does say something to me he yells, although he still sleeps with me when he feels like it. If he cant even talk to me then why is he sleeping with me.? He is the only stable man i have in my life as my dad has been in jail since i was a child & my mother died of an overdose when i was 16, so he has always been there for me and i owe him everything, i need him. i have taking full responsibility for what i have done.
Thank you in advanceHealth Question & Answer
Thank you in advanceHealth Question & Answer
Answers:
No, you haven't ruined all that you have. Learn to forgive yourself first & foremost. You say you "need" your husband but I don't hear you saying you "love" him. May I suggest that your "husband & you" get into therapy.? Find a good marriage counselor to go to & give it a fair chance to help your situation. Trust is the foundation of any relationship as you well know. I'm also sure that there is no good reason to be unfaithful to the man, you say you "need." What's done is done & now is the time to move on together or separately. Since your husband hit you when you told him what you'd done, I'd move on, if I was you. What you did was wrong but physical abuse, even once, is unforgivable & I wouldn't stay with a man who hit me, even one time. Your husband needs to ask for your forgiveness also. He's no saint in all of this, since his weapons were his hands. He should be sitting in jail right now. Please don't spend the rest of your life saying "I'm sorry" to a man who should be saying it to you. You don't need him, if it's because you feel indebted to him for the rest of your life. Work on being a stronger person & being more trustworthy. Don't let him rub your nose in the "affair" by words or actions. If he refuses therapy, then good luck because the road ahead will be rocky. If you want to travel a rocky road for the rest of your life, then be my guest. I think life is too short to pass up the smooth road. Eliminate stressful situations when at all possible. Stay away from your dad as he is not a positive role model in your life. As for why your husband still sleeps with you, even though he doesn't touch you, I believe he may still have feelings for you but won't admit it. If he sleeps with you fine, if not, just let it be. If he knows it hurts you, he'll enjoy hurting you. Be strong, don't let him brow beat you or hit you ever again. If so, call 911 right away.Health Question & Answer
theres no need for him to hit you and you... this is to hard to answer sorryHealth Question & Answer
Write all these things and more in a hand written letter to him and make it clear that you fully understand what you did. Time should heel these things, but don't hold your breath waiting. He is hurt and rightfully so. I can't say as I blame him at all.
You probably won't have any meaningful sex with him for a while, but if you both still are in love it will heel. Give it time and just don't give up.
Don't be surprised if he does the same thing to you out of retribution. I'm not saying it's right, but it is understandable.
I can't honestly say that I understand how you feel because i have been in his shoes before and it hurt me deeply as well. In my case it fell apart, but I hope yours doesn't if you're sincere enough.
Time is the only real answer I have for you. But I don't think you've thrown it all away.
Good luck and i truly hope you learned.Health Question & Answer
You probably won't have any meaningful sex with him for a while, but if you both still are in love it will heel. Give it time and just don't give up.
Don't be surprised if he does the same thing to you out of retribution. I'm not saying it's right, but it is understandable.
I can't honestly say that I understand how you feel because i have been in his shoes before and it hurt me deeply as well. In my case it fell apart, but I hope yours doesn't if you're sincere enough.
Time is the only real answer I have for you. But I don't think you've thrown it all away.
Good luck and i truly hope you learned.Health Question & Answer