I was raped before, i don't think he knows that, but I bet he thinks I'm strange.. Help!?!
Question: I was raped before, i don't think he knows that, but I bet he thinks I'm strange.. Help!.?
I think I am messed up, I drove a guy away with all my confusion and uncertainty.. And I KNOW guys hate a complicated girl and i wish i wasn't, but I think i gave him mixed signals..all due to my own confusion..
I have been raped twice in my past, I wanna have a relationship soo bad and have been able to trust this guy, but I was scared. I told him I was afraid of getting hurt.. Then I made the "mistake" --- Next day.I told him I don't think we should talk anymore, I was so confused about the whole situation, I needed to think, so i said THAT and immediately regreted it.
I feel like i'm living in a whirlwind of confusion and fear..
I apologized 3x to him thru voicemail the next day, i sent him a text and an instant message to tell him i'm sorry, i was confused and scared and didn't mean that and i asked him to call me back so i can explain what i meant.. He didn't.
Just today I find out he told my brother in law "she's soo strange, she likes me one minute and not the next (i know he's right).. she confuses me, she's soo strange, she's different than any girls i have spoken to."
I feel like crap.. I wanna fix this situation so bad, I DONT want him to think i'm some WEIRDO.. and WHY would he tell my brother in law this.?Health Question & Answer
I have been raped twice in my past, I wanna have a relationship soo bad and have been able to trust this guy, but I was scared. I told him I was afraid of getting hurt.. Then I made the "mistake" --- Next day.I told him I don't think we should talk anymore, I was so confused about the whole situation, I needed to think, so i said THAT and immediately regreted it.
I feel like i'm living in a whirlwind of confusion and fear..
I apologized 3x to him thru voicemail the next day, i sent him a text and an instant message to tell him i'm sorry, i was confused and scared and didn't mean that and i asked him to call me back so i can explain what i meant.. He didn't.
Just today I find out he told my brother in law "she's soo strange, she likes me one minute and not the next (i know he's right).. she confuses me, she's soo strange, she's different than any girls i have spoken to."
I feel like crap.. I wanna fix this situation so bad, I DONT want him to think i'm some WEIRDO.. and WHY would he tell my brother in law this.?Health Question & Answer
Answers:
Oh Im so sorry to hear that has happened to you!! I was raped too, and I have learned from personal experience that sometimes your just not ready for any type of relationship. I used to think that whenever a guy spoke to me and acted friendly, it was flirting and he wanted to have sex. Im still very confused about how to act around the opposite sex, but because I took a break, Im better, and I recognize some of the things Im doing or thinking that might be wrong. By the way, I was diagnosed with having borderline personality disorder. So my relationships are already very unstable, like yours. Anyways, Im getting help and learning how to love again. If your having trouble in a relationship because you were raped, than please don't push yourself. There is plenty of time for that later, but you need to take care of yourself first. Have you ever talked to a counselor about this.? I think that would really help you. Good luck sweetie!!Health Question & Answer
You need to tell him. This guy obviously cares about you enough to ask your family for advice about you. (That's how a guy asks other guys is to say stuff like this rather than direct ask). If he didn't care about you he would have left a long time ago. Trust him with the truth. It will mean a lot to him and bring you closer.Health Question & Answer
You should tell him that you were seriously hurt in the past so he knows why you are sending mixed messages. He may not be able to handle it but at least he will understand. You may also want to seek counseling to help you get over what happened to you.Health Question & Answer
Tell him the truth. If he cannot handle it...find someone else. A real man, a strong man would accept that you were once raped and feeling very hurt & vulnerable. He would work to heal you and continue to treat you like gold.Health Question & Answer
That he tells your brother in law means you're still on his mind. Take him into your confidence. That will bind him to you. Success!Health Question & Answer
he told his brother in law cuz he can prob. trust him on how he feels. tell him u were hurt badly in the past but u do like him. hope it wrks, gl :)Health Question & Answer
You should tell him you have been raped (which I'm sorry to hear) he may understand and see you againHealth Question & Answer
so sorry about what has happend hunnie, must be awful for you :(
i think the right thing to do is ask him to meet you somewhere, where yu can both talk and tell him that you have been raped and why you are acting this way, it will be the only way he can understand.
i suppose maybe he told your brother in law because maybe he knew that he would tell you what your bf had said .. and he didnt have the confindence to tell you himself
just be honest, i know its sounds corney, but in this case, honesty is the best policy
things will work out in the end don't worry, and if he doesn't like what you tell him or he's just not ok with it then he's not worth worrying about.
He just wont be the one for you yet, :)
hope this has helped :) xxxxHealth Question & Answer
i think the right thing to do is ask him to meet you somewhere, where yu can both talk and tell him that you have been raped and why you are acting this way, it will be the only way he can understand.
i suppose maybe he told your brother in law because maybe he knew that he would tell you what your bf had said .. and he didnt have the confindence to tell you himself
just be honest, i know its sounds corney, but in this case, honesty is the best policy
things will work out in the end don't worry, and if he doesn't like what you tell him or he's just not ok with it then he's not worth worrying about.
He just wont be the one for you yet, :)
hope this has helped :) xxxxHealth Question & Answer
Dear Karen, this is such a sad case. I feel you would be better served to see a professional and clear up the baggage you carry regarding your traumatic past. Your present whirl-wind of confusion and fear will manifest in many negative ways through-out your life and relationships if you don't find ways to defuse it or techniques to recognise the real you-from your fears or interpretations of others intentions. You will be signalling certain communications that are not in your best interests. He is wise to stay clear, until you are well, and recovery IS possible. If you are determined to be responsible for your life and not expect to be rescued by others. You sound like you chose a nice guy with clear boundaries. (well done and good taste) Better to meet him again when you are well - not before. Your time should be totally focussed on learning about you (with professional help: A counsellor, therapist or psychologist) Your life needs unravelling and healing, before adding the complication of an emotional attachment. (Everyone brings their own baggage into a relationship - the less baggage, the more enriching the bond.) The reward will be an honest, deep understanding of your needs, yourself and your significant other - one day. Don't use your past trauma to carry-on ricocheting off emotional rocks. It is not fair on yourself, or your love-interest. Heal, my lovely girl. XXHealth Question & Answer